Pink's Sucks

So I mentioned a little while ago that I'm starting to write Yelp reviews again. My most recent was for the infamous LA hot dog establishment, Pink's. I'm cross posting it on my blog just for kicks, but if you want to read it in it's original form you can do so HERE. (And from there you can find some of my other reviews). I apologize for being a wordy writer in advance. If I were to sum up my entire experience with one word, it would be "nauseating." But anyway, on to pictures and the review...

I can't believe I'm actually giving a 1 star review to Pink's, but I am. There's no way around it. The food here is utterly disgusting.

Before I begin, though, I'd like to say that it's worth going to Pink's once in your life just because it IS a Los Angeles staple. The service is good, and the ambiance isn't horrible. If you do go, get something basic like a regular chili dog with onion rings (although Weinerschnitzel has a better, cheaper chili dog). For WHY I say this, read on...

The boy and I went for dinner today because we figured, regardless of the reputably horrendous wait time, we ought to go try the LA phenomenon known as Pink's. Our assumption was that at the very least we'd have a decent meal.

Wrong. So wrong.

The wait wasn't that bad. The line was pretty long but it moved quickly and with good company it wasn't really an issue. At first glance, the hot dog creations looked pretty good. All of them had similar ingredients in different combinations: chili, mustard, onions, tomatoes, pastrami, cheese, nacho cheese, guacamole, bacon, lettuce, etc. They also have hamburgers and "specials" which included such things like a Bacon Burrito Dog (two hot dogs, chili, onions, cheese, and bacon all wrapped up in a "large flour tortilla"). I opted for the Ozzy Dog (a spicy polish sausage with guacamole, nacho cheese, cheese, grilled onions, and tomatoes), the boy got an America the Beautiful Dog (a 12" jalapeno dog with pastrami, bacon, lettuce, and tomatoes), and we shared chili cheese fries.

It was fun watching them make our hot dogs. It's such a small kitchen, and it's interesting to see how everything goes down.

When we finally got our food, it was pretty impressive. And by impressive, I mean huge. The American the Beautiful Dog was BIG, and both our dogs were piled high with toppings. The chili cheese fries were less impressive, but Pink's has a reputation for delicious chili so I figured it would taste good anyway.

Wrong again.

The chili was thick, but almost too much so and the flavor was just not there. It definitely wasn't close to being the best chili I've ever had. What made it worse was the absolutely disgusting french fries - at first I thought they were slightly orange because they were seasoned. Nope! They were orange because they were soaked in cheap (read: bad for you AND bad tasting), disgusting grease. SOAKED. After we got through about half of them, I noticed that the fry boat was filled with a layer of orange grease. Nasty!

Worse were our dogs. My first bite wasn't that bad - I actually thought something along the lines of "considering the portions, ambiance and service, I could give Pink's 4 stars on Yelp!" By my second bite, however, I brought my initial reaction down to 3 stars. And by the time I was half way through, I was at 2 stars. 30 minutes after my meal, I settled with a whopping 1 star. It was just that bad. Here's why:

THE BUN
The bun tasted like stale wonder bread, shaped like a hot dog bun, left out near a sprinkler on a humid day. It was flavorless and slightly damp, with a less than appealing texture.

THE DOG
My spicy polish dog had a little bit of spice, but the texture was pretty awful. The casing was too thick and/or overcooked, and the meat itself was dry. (If you've had Wurstkuche [or any real sausage/dog], it'll be a huge disappointment. If all you've had are Weinerschnitzel or Costco dogs [or even Ball Park or Oscar Mayer dogs that you make yourself at home], it will STILL be a disappointment).

THE TOPPINGS
The guacamole was, in the boy's words, "guacamole inspired goop," the nacho cheese was only slightly spicy but somehow completely overpowering and by the time I was half way through utterly disgusting, and the grilled onions were flavorless chopped onions that had been thrown on the grill to burn for a minute (which, by the way, was SUPER disappointing because I LOVE onions).

Needless to say, I couldn't finish my hot dog. The thought of doing so was nauseating. It was also unnecessarily messy, as in all the sticky, goopy toppings were constantly falling over my hands. (I don't mind mess for something that tastes good, but mess for something that's as nasty as my Ozzy dog is just excessive and cruel).

The boy didn't finish his either. The pastrami was just poor quality meat, and he later said the best part was the lettuce and tomatoes.

Bottom line? This was one of the worst meals of my entire life :(

More pictures for your viewing pleasure...

The line.
The dogs.
The chili cheese fries. Yucky yucky...